I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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