He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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