Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
