I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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