I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Damn victory sex feels great
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
