I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
