So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
