we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
