i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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