Do you still have your period?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
