my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
