is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
