You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
