you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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