The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
