sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
