I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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