I'm going to jail i love you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
