i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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