Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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