i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
