i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
