and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do vagina's smell?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
