so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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