In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My penis needs a shock collar
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
