I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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