I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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