just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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