I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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