I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
