too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
