she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
