i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They have beer where we have blood.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
