why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
