i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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