at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
