I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
