you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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