Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
