I bet he comes in French.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
