I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
