Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
