Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
