So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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