i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
