they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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