Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
