I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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