hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
