Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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