i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bring me that man meat
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
