who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
